The phrase ‘no man is an island’ expresses the idea that human beings don’t thrive well alone. We need to be part of a community and we care about what others do and how they feel. Whenever you make a big life changing decision it’s likely that it will affect some other aspects of your life. What you do affects others and vice versa
In our online course that is included in membership of The Sober Club – ‘Get the Buzz without the booze’ we ask people in lesson one to determine WHY they want to ditch the booze, but we also asked WHY NOT? That question may seem a bit facetious but actually it’s crucial to get clarity on the impact your choices may have on others.
One Sober Club member when she was struggling to ‘stay stopped’ found that when she was really honest, she didn’t want to risk her relationship with her partner. She was his ‘Drinking Buddy’ and she was concerned that if she was no longer drinking alcohol, that might seriously impact on their fun.
When I am coaching someone who has a goal they want to achieve, I always ask what might be stopping them from achieving their goal. They may really want that behaviour change, but their unconscious mind has an important concern about what’s going on in their home, their family or other aspect of that life that their changed behaviour will have an effect on.
So it’s important to ask yourself, if I go ahead and achieves what I say I want to achieve (whatever behaviour change or goal that is) what will be the consequences?
Imagine if you have achieved your goal / changed your behaviour, what will your life be like then? Check in with how the ‘new you’ will impact on your family, partner, social life, career, health and wellbeing. Ask yourself, are there any areas of my life that might be adversely affected?. Who else will be impacted?
The obvious example here is that when people ditch the booze, they are fearful that they are no longer going to be able to socialise with the same group of people. Of course this may or may not be true, it’s true that if people aren’t really your friend and they choose to ‘sober shame’ and be unsupportive of your choices, then ultimately that relationship might hit the dust.
But this is for you – right? If there is a behaviour change or a goal that’s important to you ask yourself – is it worth it?
No man is an island, so make sure you stay connected with others that will be supportive of your choices, if you know that what you have chosen is for your highest good, determine what has been stopping you, what you may have been fearful of.
Feel the fear and do it anyway!
If you want connection and support from like minded people join The Sober Club. Read the testimonials here.