Now the holiday season is officially here, how do we deal with the awful fear of missing out – the FOMO that arrives seemingly out of the blue when friends suggest getting together for drinks, when the sun is shining, and seemingly EVERYONE is drinking something chilled in a nice glass…
Here is a question I’ve heard a few times from clients recently ..
‘I’ve ditched the booze, I’ve been doing really well, but I am meeting with friends / celebrating – and I’ve been thinking ….shall I just have one?
Ah yes the cravings….which are actually thoughts, which are more than just thoughts! By the time you ‘ voice’ them, they are actual voices that you have been hearing repeatedly in your head.
I’ve spoken a lot about the concept of the ‘Addictive voice,’ I used to get quite concerned when I was drinking, sometimes I didn’t want another drink, but I would hear a definite voice in my head telling to have another.
Many of are aware of the story of the Cherokee Grandfather who said to his grandson:
‘Inside your head you have two wolves, one is angry, and wants to bring you down, he is full of lies and greed and nastiness, the other is a good wolf, full of love and hope and empathy and joy there is a fight going on within you. The boy thinks, and then asks his grandfather: Which one wins? The grandfather said…the one you feed!
So feed your good wolf!
We all hear the bad one from time to time, loud and clear, we all hear the Wine Witch telling us…just have one, you deserve it, you want to switch off for a bit don’t you?’
Once you have really noticed that voice, it starts to lose its power,
Once you have challenged the thought, confronted it, the next step is to ask
What is it that I am really hankering after here? Am I looking to feel a certain way? Do I want to feel more relaxed? Chilled, or more confident or energised? (Amazing isn’t it that we think alcohol does all these things!) It doesn’t. We think it will relax us, energise us, but the reality is it’s a depressant. Even one glass is harmful.
Once you know what it is you really want, (and sometimes it’s ‘sweetness in your life’ rather than the quick ‘hit’ from alcohol or sugar) then you can ‘surf the urge’. You’ve heard that expression I’m sure. Strengthen the muscle that enables you to pause. You can delve into your Sober Toolkit and pull out exactly what you need, and its not ‘drugs’ to ‘cure’ the addiction!
But how will I socialise?
If everyone else is enjoying a drink, you can too, don’t forget my ‘mantra’
‘Keep the ritual, change the ingredients!’ There are wealth of awesome ‘grown up’ drinks that don’t contain alcohol! Hopefully there is lots of good food for thought there!
Remember the wolf that wins is the one you feed.
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